This will be the last edition of this newsletter in 2022, so let me say thank you to subscribers new and old who’ve been with us for the last year and will hopefully stick around in 2023. Merry Christmas and a great New Year to all of you. We’ll be back in two weeks!
The good news is that all of Canada’s kids have made Santa’s nice list, according to Canada’s chief public health officer Dr. Theresa Tam (who would never lead us astray, right? …right?!).
Dr. Tam teamed up with Mrs. Claus for a cringey Christmas video spreading good cheer and the gospel of vaccination and masking.
“Every child in Canada has definitely earned a place on the nice list – their parents and caregivers too,” Tam told Mrs. Claus. “It’s been a tough season with lots of viruses making people sick.”
Mrs. Claus said she and Santa are feeling “as healthy as ever” because they’re “up to date with their vaccinations, including Covid boosters and flu shots.”
Now, Santa’s job involves significant international travel, so he may have just gotten boosted to comply with the myriad vaccine mandates that remain in place. For example, Santa wouldn’t be able to deliver any presents in the United States were he unvaccinated, thanks to Joe Biden’s continued mandate.
At least Santa doesn’t need to deal with ArriveCan this year when coming to Canada.
That said, Mrs. Claus, who inexplicably has a quasi-Newfoundland accent, seemed to be a true believer.
“I always tell Santa to make a list and check it twice,” Mrs. Claus told Dr. Tam, and the kids who had the misfortune of watching their video.
“One: stay up to date on your vaccinations. Two: wear a mask in crowded indoor places and make sure it fits nice and snug. Three: wash your hands to the tune of ‘jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.’”
“Jingle Bells” is a classic, but I wonder if this might be a better Government of Canada-approved holiday hand-washing song:
You better watch out,
Don’t be a crab,
You better not pout,
Just get the jab,
Santa Claus is coming to town.He’s making a list,
He’s checking it twice,
He’s going to find out who’s been boosted… thrice,
Santa Claus is coming to town.He sees you when you’re sleeping,
He knows you’re none the wiser,
He knows if you’ve been bad or good,
So make sure to get your Pfizer.
I don’t fancy myself much of a lyricist, but at least it’s Canadian content, so fully compliant with Bill C-11.
If you can come up with a rhyme for Moderna, let me know in the comments and we can add a verse.
Mrs. Claus likened getting vaccinated, wearing masks, and washing your hands to “decorating a tree.”
“You need tinsel, lights, ornaments, and a star on top,” she said. “The tree is at its best when all the decorations are up and nicely layered.”
The more I think of it, the more I like the metaphor. Some people prefer an angel to a star. Some people like coloured lights, and others like white lights. Some folks don’t think tinsel is necessary and believe their trees are complete (or perhaps even better) without it.
If you wouldn’t tell someone how to decorate a tree, don’t tell them how to make their own health decisions.
I doubt there is a single unvaccinated child or parent in Canada swayed by this video, so there’s no point overstating its influence. In some ways, I’m more offended by the style than the substance.
As far as government PSAs to push childhood vaccination are concerned, at least this one isn’t as manipulative or fear-mongering as others, such as the City of Toronto’s (yanked) video series telling kids vaccination was required to safely play with friends, go to school, or visit family members.
Even so, it shows a continued commitment by the government to a one-size-fits-all approach to childhood Covid vaccination that doesn’t align with the facts.
In the meantime, make sure your kids know admission to Santa’s nice list doesn’t require a vaccine passport.
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Santa doesn’t care if you’re vaccinated, kids
Be good for Pfizer’s sake is how it goes.
I didn’t get halfway through the PSA but I’m convinced Santa is out dead in the barn. You know all suddenly like, from unknown causes. 🤡 🌎